Feminism is becoming irrelevant

I remember the first time I learned what feminism was. My mother, a strong, capable woman who has always believed that women can do anything, told me it was the name for people who believed in women, believed that they could accomplish anything and be great. I was in love. I loved the word. I loved the meaning. I decided I was a feminist.

Twenty-ish years later, neither I nor my mom claim that title. If you are going for the actual definition of what feminism really means, then yes, I identify with it. I support the equality of women in all aspects of life whole-heartedly. I will support them shouting from the rooftops. But that isn't what feminism really is anymore. At least not in popular culture.

See if this conversation sounds familiar to you. It happens all the time in my dance classes.

Me: "Maddie, that was such a wonderful turn! I can tell you really worked hard for that one. Nice work!"

Penelope: "But teacher! (Whining sound) What about me? I did a good job too!"

In almost every class I've had, there is a Penelope who seems to think that any attention given to anyone else affects her directly. If I give a general correction ("A lot of us weren't pointing our toes that time, so let's work on that next time"), she takes it as a personal insult and demands that I retract it ("But I was pointing my toes! Didn't you see!"). The same goes for compliments. Penelope seems to think that if anything good happens to anyone else it takes away her right to be noticed and to do well.

I usually like Penelope, but I feel bad for her because her fundamental life view seems to do her more harm than good, and I hope she will grow out of it. Assuming that other's accomplishments reflect poorly on you is not going to make life easier or happier for you. Neither is denying any criticism or responsibility.

Feminism could be noble and great. It could have continued on the path it started on in the 17th century when women wanted the right to have jobs and property. And when later, women wanted the right to vote, and they got it! Those were true triumphs for equality.

Today,  most prominent feminists (At least the ones that I read about) seem to have the same attitude as little Penelope. They see successful men and feel jealous. They seem to think that if a man has success, it must mean that a woman doesn't. They don't seem to get that there isn't a limited amount of success and that men and women can both have it. They usually aren't fighting for equality, they are fighting for superiority.

Women aren't writing articles and conducting studies about how many women work in construction or work in fast food restaurants, but they sure do make a lot of fuss about how many women CEOs there are. They don't care if women are equally represented in the workforce; they only care if women are represented in the cushiest, most prominent jobs in the workforce.

They don't take into account that some women want to be mothers and that there are more men in the work force because of this. They see successful men and think that women should have the same exact opportunities in equal numbers, regardless of the fact that women bear children and take maternity leave or choose to leave the work force altogether.

I recently read an article titled "I'm Tired of the Overqualified Girl Sidekick." The article complains that amazing, strong female characters are relegated to number two in too many books and movies. The author uses Hermione Granger as her most prominent example, saying that if Hermione had been the main character, "Voldemort probably would have been dead halfway through Sorcerer’s Stone."

The problem is that no one likes a perfect main character, and so the sidekick nearly always outshines them. There are a lot of examples of "overqualified girl sidekicks," but there are just as many bright and shining guy sidekicks as well.

Take Hunger Games, Gale and Peeta are great. They are skilled, kind, and interesting. Also, on a side note, the male population has been very generous with this book. They haven't been complaining much about the unfair representation of trodden down men while Katniss tries to decide between two men. She kisses both of them, leads them both on, and basically makes them miserable while they sit and wait for her to decide because she is worth it. If the roles were reversed, the lead male character would have been called a villain,  a man who toys with women. But since Katniss is a girl, it's okay for her to mess with guys' heads. She is just confused. (I feel like I need to make a disclaimer that I actually LOVE these books.)

But I'll return to the main topic.

There are plenty of other examples. Triss gets the lead in Divergent, but Four is totally "overqualified" to be her "guy sidekick." If you want to talk about Twilight, every character in the book besides Bella is "overqualified" to be a secondary character. I would take sparkles over her every time. Schmidt in New Girl, is definitely a better personality than Jess. I probably wouldn't watch the show if he wasn't on it. The Fault in Our Stars is another perfect example of a movie with a guy sidekick who is probably more likable, and just as qualified to be in the star-seat, as the main character.

My point is, I don't think that women are suffering all that much from discrimination. I'm not saying that equality isn't a problem. There ARE still chauvinists out there who make me every bit as mad as the feminists who want to be superior to men. Our society is full of marketing and media that objectifies women. There are crazy, harmful stereotypes about women. But men are assigned malignant stereotypes as well.  Men are expected to meet what are sometimes impossible standards of manliness. Muscly men are objectified in ads and all over the world of Pinterest. If you don't believe me, go check it out.  So many guys with their shirts off.

I don't experience what every other woman does every day, but from my point of view, things are great. Women are respected. Women are well represented as great characters, both as stars and as sidekicks, all throughout the entertainment industry.  Women have access to good jobs and careers. And to make up for any discrimination, women also "benefit" from affirmative action. (You may have detected my sarcasm there. I don't support it. I think affirmative action is harmful and patronizing. But that's off topic.) Just because a guy gets the lead role sometimes, doesn't mean that women are worth any less.

Men need someone to stand up for them. So do women. But having a childish, jealous attitude that aims to take other's successes away from them will do nothing. As long as feminism focuses on taking the glamorous positions that men hold, it will not be a successful or an honorable movement. As long as feminism seeks to take unfair rights and deny the rights of men, I will not support it. As long as feminism aims for women to be identical to men and not equal yet different, it will be irrelevant. Because a movement based on childish motives isn't going to get any traction.

Everyone has their problems. Guys too. So instead of being a feminist (as much as I would like to identify with the term), I am just going to be a person that fights to make things equal and fair for both women and for men. Instead of tearing each other down and building barriers between genders, let's all just be on the same side and try to help each other gain more equality and fair treatment together.