Feminism is becoming irrelevant

I remember the first time I learned what feminism was. My mother, a strong, capable woman who has always believed that women can do anything, told me it was the name for people who believed in women, believed that they could accomplish anything and be great. I was in love. I loved the word. I loved the meaning. I decided I was a feminist.

Twenty-ish years later, neither I nor my mom claim that title. If you are going for the actual definition of what feminism really means, then yes, I identify with it. I support the equality of women in all aspects of life whole-heartedly. I will support them shouting from the rooftops. But that isn't what feminism really is anymore. At least not in popular culture.

See if this conversation sounds familiar to you. It happens all the time in my dance classes.

Me: "Maddie, that was such a wonderful turn! I can tell you really worked hard for that one. Nice work!"

Penelope: "But teacher! (Whining sound) What about me? I did a good job too!"

In almost every class I've had, there is a Penelope who seems to think that any attention given to anyone else affects her directly. If I give a general correction ("A lot of us weren't pointing our toes that time, so let's work on that next time"), she takes it as a personal insult and demands that I retract it ("But I was pointing my toes! Didn't you see!"). The same goes for compliments. Penelope seems to think that if anything good happens to anyone else it takes away her right to be noticed and to do well.

I usually like Penelope, but I feel bad for her because her fundamental life view seems to do her more harm than good, and I hope she will grow out of it. Assuming that other's accomplishments reflect poorly on you is not going to make life easier or happier for you. Neither is denying any criticism or responsibility.

Feminism could be noble and great. It could have continued on the path it started on in the 17th century when women wanted the right to have jobs and property. And when later, women wanted the right to vote, and they got it! Those were true triumphs for equality.

Today,  most prominent feminists (At least the ones that I read about) seem to have the same attitude as little Penelope. They see successful men and feel jealous. They seem to think that if a man has success, it must mean that a woman doesn't. They don't seem to get that there isn't a limited amount of success and that men and women can both have it. They usually aren't fighting for equality, they are fighting for superiority.

Women aren't writing articles and conducting studies about how many women work in construction or work in fast food restaurants, but they sure do make a lot of fuss about how many women CEOs there are. They don't care if women are equally represented in the workforce; they only care if women are represented in the cushiest, most prominent jobs in the workforce.

They don't take into account that some women want to be mothers and that there are more men in the work force because of this. They see successful men and think that women should have the same exact opportunities in equal numbers, regardless of the fact that women bear children and take maternity leave or choose to leave the work force altogether.

I recently read an article titled "I'm Tired of the Overqualified Girl Sidekick." The article complains that amazing, strong female characters are relegated to number two in too many books and movies. The author uses Hermione Granger as her most prominent example, saying that if Hermione had been the main character, "Voldemort probably would have been dead halfway through Sorcerer’s Stone."

The problem is that no one likes a perfect main character, and so the sidekick nearly always outshines them. There are a lot of examples of "overqualified girl sidekicks," but there are just as many bright and shining guy sidekicks as well.

Take Hunger Games, Gale and Peeta are great. They are skilled, kind, and interesting. Also, on a side note, the male population has been very generous with this book. They haven't been complaining much about the unfair representation of trodden down men while Katniss tries to decide between two men. She kisses both of them, leads them both on, and basically makes them miserable while they sit and wait for her to decide because she is worth it. If the roles were reversed, the lead male character would have been called a villain,  a man who toys with women. But since Katniss is a girl, it's okay for her to mess with guys' heads. She is just confused. (I feel like I need to make a disclaimer that I actually LOVE these books.)

But I'll return to the main topic.

There are plenty of other examples. Triss gets the lead in Divergent, but Four is totally "overqualified" to be her "guy sidekick." If you want to talk about Twilight, every character in the book besides Bella is "overqualified" to be a secondary character. I would take sparkles over her every time. Schmidt in New Girl, is definitely a better personality than Jess. I probably wouldn't watch the show if he wasn't on it. The Fault in Our Stars is another perfect example of a movie with a guy sidekick who is probably more likable, and just as qualified to be in the star-seat, as the main character.

My point is, I don't think that women are suffering all that much from discrimination. I'm not saying that equality isn't a problem. There ARE still chauvinists out there who make me every bit as mad as the feminists who want to be superior to men. Our society is full of marketing and media that objectifies women. There are crazy, harmful stereotypes about women. But men are assigned malignant stereotypes as well.  Men are expected to meet what are sometimes impossible standards of manliness. Muscly men are objectified in ads and all over the world of Pinterest. If you don't believe me, go check it out.  So many guys with their shirts off.

I don't experience what every other woman does every day, but from my point of view, things are great. Women are respected. Women are well represented as great characters, both as stars and as sidekicks, all throughout the entertainment industry.  Women have access to good jobs and careers. And to make up for any discrimination, women also "benefit" from affirmative action. (You may have detected my sarcasm there. I don't support it. I think affirmative action is harmful and patronizing. But that's off topic.) Just because a guy gets the lead role sometimes, doesn't mean that women are worth any less.

Men need someone to stand up for them. So do women. But having a childish, jealous attitude that aims to take other's successes away from them will do nothing. As long as feminism focuses on taking the glamorous positions that men hold, it will not be a successful or an honorable movement. As long as feminism seeks to take unfair rights and deny the rights of men, I will not support it. As long as feminism aims for women to be identical to men and not equal yet different, it will be irrelevant. Because a movement based on childish motives isn't going to get any traction.

Everyone has their problems. Guys too. So instead of being a feminist (as much as I would like to identify with the term), I am just going to be a person that fights to make things equal and fair for both women and for men. Instead of tearing each other down and building barriers between genders, let's all just be on the same side and try to help each other gain more equality and fair treatment together.

Why I am sick of "skinny"

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

Is anyone else as sick of seeing this sentence as I am? I mean, come on. Everyone who has ever been on the internet has seen plenty of articles about body image and the media's obsession with impossible standards of beauty (which, admittedly, is a problem), but come on! Why aren't we complaining about the regular women of pinterest's obsession with pictures of ridiculously skinny women, or phrases like "I don't want beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep!" and "Women don't want a perfect man, they want to eat anything without getting fat!" The media is a problem, but they aren't ever going to stop until all of the regular people do.

Now,  I know that pinterest fitness pictures are mostly real women who haven't been photoshopped, but my problem is that all of the focus is on the image. There are much better reasons to desire to be healthy than "I saw a picture of a hot chick on pinterest and I want abs like that." Especially when a lot of the focus on looks means crazy crash diets that basically starve your system, cleanses that make your body go into starvation mode, and fads like wrapping.

"I am going to saran wrap my entire body to deprive it of essential H2O so that I can lose some water weight, only to have it come back in two days."

Wonderful idea.

The reason I hate this whole skinny obsession, is that it really has nothing to do with health, and only damages many healthy people's body images. Also, SKINNY FAT. Why in the world do we make up these phrases? First, we pressure women to be skinny, and then we tell them that they are still fat, just skinny (I'm still not sure how that one works). What in the world is going on?

I have a slender build. I always have. In fact, when I was younger I was almost embarrassed by how thin I was. But, I shouldn't have been. I was healthy and active. The only reason I was ever uncomfortable was because of the comments I got from other people. I still remember my girl scout leader telling me, (when I was ten!) that I was way too skinny and I need to eat some hamburgers and ice cream or something. Great. Wonderful, healthy advice. Thanks for that. My best friend's dad told me that I was skinnier than her and argued with her about it when she got upset, as if it should be a competition between two healthy eleven year olds to see who is thinner.

I guess my point is that being skinny shouldn't be such a focus. And image should not be the only reason that we motivate ourselves to be healthy. If it is, I can only see body image continuing as a problem and unhealthy obesity rates continuing, because I don't see a whole lot of people gaining the motivation to be healthy based solely on wanting abs.

I think there are better reasons to eat a balanced diet and to exercise. 

But first, I won't pretend that vanity doesn't play into it. I work out because I want to look good and feel good about the way I look. However, if that was the only reason I went to the gym, I probably wouldn't have the motivation to keep going.

I work out because I want to be strong. I am a small, thin woman. I have to go places by myself. I live in a safe place, but that doesn't meant I won't ever be in trouble. Now, I know that no matter how hard I work, a man who works the same amount will be stronger that me. But I also know that if it seems like I can and will fight back, I have a much better chance of defending myself and maybe my future family. I want to feel confident that if my husband isn't around, I can protect myself, and maybe even open a jar by myself.

I work out and eat the way I do because I want my body to be healthy. I want to be able to walk and run and play with kids and do the things I love when I'm sixty, seventy, heck, maybe even eighty or ninety! I know a lot of older people who have had serious health problems that they couldn't have prevented. I also know a ton who have problems that could easily have been prevented if they changed their diets and exercised when they were my age.

I want to build strong muscles that can support my bones so that I am less likely to be injured and that when I am older my spine can still be tall and straight because it has the strength and the support it needs.

I just love the way I feel when I am treating my body well. I love having energy and being able to do the things I need to all of the time. I love never being sick and being able to do crazy stuff like walk to the bottom of the grand canyon and back in ten hours with no training.

I love feeling good about my body because it feels healthy, not because it looks like some picture of a stranger online or because people tell me it is acceptable.

I love knowing that my body can do what it is supposed to and that I have helped make it that way.

I want my sisters and my daughters to grow up in a home, and hopefully a culture, that values health as much as it values beauty. So let's talk about being healthy for it's own sake and give up the skinny pictures of women on pinterest. Let's sleep because it's healthy. Not because it will make us skinny or beautiful. And let's eat foods that taste awesome because we want to be healthy. I think healthy feels better than anything tastes. And chocolate can totally be part of a healthy diet.